Recently on a television program called "Fox & Friends," I caught the end of a report from a youthful correspondent, who interviewed other young people about their use of bicycles for transportation. Her conclusion: While there are some benefits to getting around on a bike, that doesn't change the fact that riding bicycles is, as everyone knows, for nerds.
Thanks for telling it like it is, Fox!
Yet this morning on "Today," NBC's man in Miami approvingly covered the "growing popularity" of bicycle commuting. Kerry Sanders was actually aboard a bicycle as he filed his report, which included an adult female who rides her bike to work and — get this — also rides the thing to the grocery store and uses it to handle other errands. No mention was made of her social awkwardness or fan fiction hobby.
I became suspicious.
Meanwhile, back over on "Fox & Friends," the crew welcomed "radio heavyweights Rick and Bubba" for a segment that Fox Friend Brian Kilmeade proclaimed "flat out fun." Take heart Americans! The "two sexiest fat men alive" have a three pronged plan to solve the problem of high fuel prices. And no, nerds, none of them involve bicycles:
1. Eliminate all taxes on gasoline.
2. Drill for all the oil that's sloshing around under our feet here right here in the U.S.A.
3. Invade other countries and take their oil by force. This idea, they admitted, might be "a little controversial."
Now that's some first class "family entertainment with Christian values" for you!
Inspired by Rick and Bubba, I set out to expose the "Today" show's pro-bicycle propaganda for what it is. I quickly discovered NBC is in the pocket of Big Bike. Don't believe me? Here's something the folks at the Rainbow Chicken network don't want you to know: According to my secret Internet source, Matt Lauer's father was a "bicycle company executive."
Still don't believe Lauer is a member of the shadowy bicycular elite, determined to use his position at the "Today" anchor desk to further the agenda of radical bicyclists? Check out this incriminating photograph of Lauer I found on a blog associated with a company that fabricates large aluminum tubes: